Empathy is a crucial component of any healthy relationship, especially in committed, romantic relationships. It is the ability to understand and share the feelings of your partner, and it can make all the difference in creating a strong and lasting bond. In this blog post, esteemed Liverpool-based consultant clinical psychologist, Dr Kerry Ashton-Shaw, explores the importance of empathy in romantic relationships and how it can help you build a deeper connection with your partner.
How important is empathy in a committed relationship?
Empathy is a crucial component of healthy committed relationships. It encompasses the ability to love, understand, and share the emotions of others. Empathy is not only essential for making relationships work but also for the smooth functioning of communities and societies. Without empathy, there would be no collaboration, no acts of kindness, no charity, and no love. Thus, empathy plays a vital role in our lives.
What is the key to maintaining a relationship?
Developing and maintaining relationships is one of the most important aspects of human life. To achieve this, we must be able to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and perceive the world from their perspective. This is where empathy comes into play.
Our ability to empathise with others is shaped by our experiences and interactions with the world around us. If we have grown up in an environment characterised by healthy relationships, care, sharing, attentive listening, and a sense of security, we are more likely to develop empathy towards others.
What is cognitive empathy?
Cognitive empathy refers to the capacity to understand how someone else is feeling without experiencing those emotions ourselves. For instance, if you notice that your friend looks upset and inquire about their well-being, they might recount their terrible journey to college that morning. Responding with “Wow, that must have been so scary!” demonstrates cognitive empathy.
What is the difference between cognitive and emotional empathy?
On the other hand, emotional empathy involves experiencing similar or identical emotions as another person. For example, you might feel happy when your partner is happy.
Empathy can significantly contribute to a relationship’s well-being. Consider a scenario where you have a partner who is extremely messy while you prefer cleanliness and tidiness. If your partner empathises with your feelings and understands how upset and frustrated you would be if they left a mess behind, they might change their behaviour and start tidying up after themselves, even if they don’t mind the mess.
What should you do if you notice your relationship lacks empathy?
If your relationship appears to lack empathy and you find yourself facing difficulties and arguments, it may be helpful to reflect on why you aren’t experiencing empathy or why your partner might not be demonstrating it.
First, it’s important to reflect on why you might be experiencing a lack of empathy towards your partner. Empathy is typically a natural response to others, so it’s worth considering when this lack of empathy tends to occur.
You may find that you become overly absorbed in your own thoughts and emotions, making it difficult to understand how your partner feels. Take note of any physical sensations you experience, such as a racing heart or flushed skin, and try to identify the emotions associated with these sensations.
These feelings can sometimes hinder your ability to understand your partner’s emotions. If your thoughts are racing and overwhelming your mind, it becomes challenging to focus on what your partner might be thinking or feeling.
Once you recognise these signals indicating that you’re unable to empathise, it can be helpful to take a break from the situation. Engage in a conversation with your partner when you no longer feel overwhelmed by your own thoughts and emotions, allowing yourself the mental space to empathise with them. This approach can lead to more positive resolutions of arguments and difficulties.
To enhance empathy in your relationships, make an effort to give your partner your undivided attention without being preoccupied by your own thoughts. Encourage your partner to do the same for you. Sometimes, we fall into the habit of solely focusing on our partner’s negative aspects. Instead, try to actively seek out their positive qualities and acknowledge them.
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